


Metanoia

by najaeri



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Drama, Fluff, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage, Romance, Slice of Life, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29485014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/najaeri/pseuds/najaeri
Summary: On his wedding day, Kang Yeosang was left at the altar. The bride's brother offers him a place to stay and meditate after the disaster.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	1. Altar

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic was posted in AFF as a YunJae (Yunho x Jaejoong). It was also uploaded previously in AO3 with the previous pairing as well, but I have deleted it to upload this version instead. It does have a couple of changes and it will be JongSang (Jongho x Yeosang). All copyrights to me. Thank you!

The venue was filled with love. There were white chairs decorated with pink rose petals on both sides, perfectly aligned with each other. At the entrance, two crystal pillars held the most beautiful rose arrangement people have ever seen in their lives. At the back, there was a white backdrop, sustaining itself by a circular white ceiling, making a jaw-dropping view. It was perfect and nothing could ruin his happiness. 

Yeosang smiled, excitedly looking at the golden Rolex on his right wrist.

It was about time.

He was finally marrying the love of his life. 

He heard the soft wind caressing his silky hair, styled for this amazing day. He needed to look good, but he knew his bride would look better. After all, it was _her_ day. 

He saw her coming from behind, the veil covering her face. She didn't look happy. But he made sure to smile towards her and he hoped that her heart has remained the same. After all, they were about to be declared husband and wife after 4 years of relationship, which have been the happiest of his entire life.

And he wouldn't change it for anything.

When she arrived, his smile increased and he took her hand. She was a bit cold, but it could be the nervousness. He knew how she felt because he was feeling the same.

But he was determined.

He wanted her and he loved her with all his might.

"Yeosang..." she heard him say and he looked directly at her eyes. He felt a bit strange, not noticing the sparkle she usually had on her chocolate orbs, but there was nothing he should worry about.

"I'm sorry," she said, followed by a tear. Yeosang felt his smile disappearing little by little, not sure of what was happening anymore.

His Jihye wasn't happy. 

She looked gloomy and depressed. It wasn't normal for a bride to be like this, right? She should look bright and smiley. 

And those tears were supposed to make his heart jump in glory, but he only felt sorrow.

"I never..." she began to whisper to her partner, her cries becoming more open to the people expecting them from afar. "It was never my intention to… bring this here… but I can't… I can't do it..."

"It's okay," tried to console her Yeosang, but she denied any kind of affection from him.

She knew she did not deserve his empathy or love. She was a wolf dressed as a sheep who lied and cheated until the very last minute. She deserved every hate and every disdain she would get from her words. She was at fault, but she couldn't lie to her heart.

And by following it, she had to break his.

"I'm in love with Yuta," Jihye admitted, seeing Yeosang froze. "I have been in love with him ever since you introduced him to me 3 years ago," she continued, her hands moving towards her veil. "I tried to break up with you several times, but I did not want to break your heart. In the end, I guess I'm still doing it..." she laughed at her own stupidity. But there was no way back.

"I have been cheating on you two years now and it has been the happiest I have ever been," she smiled at him, seeing Yeosang's tears caressing his face. "And I'm leaving to Japan with him."

"Goodbye, Yeosang," was the last thing she said before taking out her veil and running to the best man. Yeosang saw the interaction between them and how he sweetly smiled at her, their hands intertwined in a waltz while they left the venue together, not even once looking at him.

Yeosang chuckled in disbelief, clenching tight his fists.

Did he just saw the love of his life walking away with his best friend?

The guests gasped, slowly noticing that the bride-to-be ran away with the best man, leaving the groom in a devastating state.

"Did that bitch just left my brother?!" said Dongho, the oldest of the Kang brothers standing up, while his significant other grabbed his arm, trying to bring solace to his pain. 

"Baekho, please," he tried to reason with him, but he knew it would be useless. Dongho never liked Jihye and this only confirmed his suspicions. 

"NO!" he screamed at his lover, his eyes burning with rage. "I'm going to fucking kill her!" he said, almost flying through the seats but the eldest caught him on time.

He was blinded by fury. He could not let him do something he would regret later.

"Baekho, stop," begged Ren, hearing his heartbreaking as he embraced Baekho's trembling body, the sobs revealing immediately after the warmth, unable to contain the pain he held inside.

"Yeosang oppa," the youngest of the Kims ran towards him, grabbing his hand. Yeosang was paralyzed, his reasoning long left. He seemed like a corpse in a tuxedo, trying to figure out how he was supposed to feel after the devastating news.

"Did you knew?" was the first thing he asked his sister Seulgi, but she denied it with his head, the tears finally flowing from his eyes. 

"I never suspected," she admitted, knowing that the truth will bring solace to his brother's crucified heart. "But Baekho..."

"He suspected it," he finished his sentence, the saddest smile the Earth has encountered appearing on his tired face. "And he told me several times, but he never could prove it. She was sneaky, huh? She was..."

"Oppa..." Seulgi called him once again, the tears caressing her face. If she was hurting, he could not imagine her oldest brother.

She did not want to be in his shoes.

She saw the maid of honor, which was Jihye's youngest sister, looking at the ground. The other bridesmaids were trying to bring solace to Jihye's mother, who cried nonstop while holding her husband, which triggered something on his darkened mind.

Yeosang flew towards Jihyo, leaving no time for Seulgi to react.

"Did you knew?" the ex-groom asked the same question he asked his youngest sister, but this time directed the inquiry towards the runaway bride's maid of honor.

But Jihyo did not answer, neither her eyes stopped sulking in the ground.

"Tell me..." he asked again with a broken voice. "Did you know, Jihyo? Did you knew she was having an affair with Yuta?"

The youngest began to tremble, not willing to say anything to him. 

"Jihyo, please..." he begged this time, putting his hands on her shoulders and briefly shaking her, expecting an immediate answer. "Jihyo!"

"YES!" she screamed, startling Yeosang as the tears fell once again. "YES, I KNEW! I KNEW SHE WAS WITH YUTA BUT I DID NOT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO TELL YOU! SHE IS MY SISTER, YEOSANG, AND I LOVE HER! SHE WAS HAPPY WITH HIM! SOMETHING SHE NEVER FELT WITH YOU!"

Yeosang slapped her, making the guests gasp once more time. Jihyo began to sob, her wet hair covering her red cheek.

"Enough!" the father of the ex bride said, putting himself in front of his daughter and his ex-son-in-law. "You have no right to lay a hand on her. She is not at fault."

"Not at fault?" said Yeosang, bitterly laughing at his words while the tears kept freely flowing. "She is as miserable as your good-for-nothing daughter," he began to spit the most venomous words he could think. He wanted them to hurt just like him. "She hid the relationship. She is as an accomplice of them."

"Tell me, Jihye, did you wanted to sleep with him as well?" he spitted out, receiving a slap from the oldest Choi. 

"I am not going to listen you insult my daughter in front of me," were his last words, grabbing his youngest spring by the hand. He was done with Yeosang.

"All of you are traitors," he said, his eyes in a burnt fire. "You knew your fucking daughter was a goddamned whore and did nothing. You let me go through this fucking pain. You let me fall for her. You let me prepare everything and not even once thought of my feelings. Why did you let me go through this pain? I would have rather known beforehand! It wouldn't hurt this much! WHY!" he screamed at them, making Jihye's father turn.

He was beyond angry.

"Maybe you weren't man enough," he said. Yeosang was about to slap him but he felt someone holding his hand, preventing him from doing something more stupid.

"Father, enough," was the sentence of the newcomer. "Jihye is at fault. How come you are defending her? She left Yeosang at the altar. She disappeared with another man! With Yeosang's best friend! What kind of father are you?"

"I will always stand by my family," was his answer, directing his eyes towards Jongho. "And I will never allow someone to put my last name to shame."

"Jihye put our family's name to shame! Are you insane?" Jongho was trying to reason with his father, but he was not listening. The only thing that mattered to him was that the name of Choi wasn't tainted. He never cared about feeling but his own and he admired his mother for being with him after so many years.

However, he was not fast enough when he saw Dongho punching his father's face. 

"YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER IS A FUCKING HOE AND I HOPE SHE FUCKING DIES!" he screamed while Ren arrived a second too late to hold him. The oldest Choi did not respond to the punch or said anything. He simply wiped his bloody mouth and continued walking away with Jihyo. 

"SAY SOMETHING YOU OLD MAN!" kept screaming Baekho, being held by his lover. "I AM CONTACTING THE NEWS AND PUTTING YOUR FAMILY IN SHAME! THE GRAND CHOI FAMILY HAS A BITCH WHO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE'S FEELINGS BUT HERS AND DECIDED TO PLAY AN INNOCENT FOR FUCKING YEARS! LET'S SEE HOW GREAT YOU FUCKING ARE!"

"Jongho..." was all Yeosang could say before his entire world turned black. 

+++

Jongho was sitting on the couch, reading the newspaper. He was well aware he could download it online, but he was a simple man. He liked to do some things the old fashioned way. Also, it did not help that his daughter liked to have him at her side while she ate cereal for breakfast and danced to Sesame Street's newest song.

When he went to the business section, he knew he was going to found Baekho's threat.

_BREAKING: CHOI JIHYE FROM CHOI ENTERPRISES LEAVES HER FIANCEE AT THE ALTAR  
Choi Jihye, the eldest daughter of Choi Jino from the world-known jewelry factory Choi Diamond and Enterprises, has fled the country with her paramour. He was the best man, but his name has not been revealed…_

He sighed, immediately going to another section.

It has been a couple of days since the disastrous wedding took place and he still thinks it was a nightmare. He never thought of his sister to do such disdain. But he also knew his family was far from perfect and one of the reasons he decided to leave the mainland was because he hated his father's position of power and wealth. It was never about his family but his name.

And he proved it once again. 

However, the Kang family was as powerful as them and he knew that they wouldn't be able to stop them.

It hurt him and he wasn't even in the middle of it.

He just disliked the fact that Yeosang lost four years of his life loving a woman who clearly did not deserve him. 

Jihye was his sister and he would always love her, but what she did was beyond words and reason. If he were Dongho, he would never forgive her.

"Daddy," he heard his little angel say and he smiled, putting the newspaper on his lap. He did not answer back, but he knew that Yuri was aware that he was listening to her.

“Does auntie’s boyfriend need a new heart?” she innocently asked and Jongho chuckled. He loved the innocence kids had. It was pure, no way of comparison.

“He might,” he answered back with a smile.

“What if I draw him a new one?” she inquired, ready to find a paper and her colored pencils.

“It could help,” replied Jongho. “But he’s not here.” 

“Call him!” she squealed. She really liked Yeosang even though she rarely sees him. Jongho lived in Jeju Island and he made great money. He liked being far apart from his usual family drama and he had no connections to them in his workplace. He was pretty sure the CEO knew his family, but his father was reserved and liked being with specific people. 

And Jongho made sure that his father could not manipulate him like he has tried to do many times in the past.

“I’m not sure that is going to work, sweetie,” he told her. Yeosang is hating his side of the family and he wouldn’t blame him. He didn’t know anything and it broke his heart. He would have prevented that tragedy from happening, but it wasn’t his business, to begin with. Heck, he rarely knew what was happening in the enterprises and he wanted to sell his shares if it weren’t for his father.

He put a lock on his part.

“Is he mad at us?” she said with a pout on her lips. Jongho half-smiled and briefly caressed her hair.

“Maybe,” he answered. He did not want to break his girl’s little heart, but he considered her to be too young to understand why adults get mad at people that had nothing to do with the situation. “But I’m sure that not with you.” 

“Then I’ll call him!” she squealed and her father laughed.

“As I said, it is not a good idea Yuri,” he tried to reason with her, but he knew she would insist for at least half an hour.

Which she did and he simply sighed, searching for Yeosang’s contact number and pressing the green button for her pleasure. Yuri smiled and extended her hands to get the phone. Jongho placed it on top of her tiny hands, knowing that it was dialing already and on speakerphone.

He just hoped for Yeosang to understand the stubbornness of a five-year-old girl.

 _“Jongho?”_ the other line asked. He seemed confused at the sudden call but the little girl immediately answered.

“No!” she happily screamed, hearing a laugh on the other line. “It’s Yuri!” 

_“Oh, Yuri-ah~,”_ he softly greeted her. He loved that piece of sunshine, but it was a pity he rarely could see her. He lived in Seoul and she lived back in Jeju Island. Her father rarely came back unless it was strictly necessary, but she simply irradiated happiness.

And God, he needed some right now.

“If you make it to Jeju, I can draw you a new heart!” she stated, as a matter of fact, making Yeosang laugh while tears appeared in his eyes.

The naivety of children.

 _“And is it going to be as pretty as you?”_ he asked back, trying for his voice to not break but Jongho noticed. 

“Yes!” she answered back, really excited about it. “And I’m going to make a REEEEAAAAALLYYYYY big one so you don’t get sad!” 

Jongho heard his sobs and decided that was enough. He gently grabbed the phone from Yuri’s hands and turned off the speakerphone. His daughter seemed really confused at the situation, but Jongho clarified as soon as he could.

Yeosang needed a breather.

“I will convince him, okay?” he said, holding the phone and placing it on his right ear. “He needs to talk to me.” 

Yuri simply nodded and went back to watch her cartoons, making her father smile.

She is too young to understand some words, but she surely understood emotions.

“I’m sorry,” he said to the other line. “She really wanted to speak with you and she was excited to draw you a heart and everything. I should have been more careful. I know you are hurting and the thing you want the less is to deal with any Choi right now…” 

_“It’s… It’s okay, Jongho,”_ was his answer, visibly crying.

“But the offer is still up,” he replied. He knew Yeosang was not going to accept it. After all, he had a very high position on his own family business, and well, he was a Choi. It was engraved in his name and there was no way he could take it off. “If you need to get far from the city and have a relaxed view, come here. It might not help your broken heart, but it might bring you the space you need away from Seoul.” 

_“What if I say yes?”_ was his response and Jongho smiled. He really wanted to help the man in any way he could. 

“I’ll pick you up at the airport anytime you want,” was his answer.

 _“I might be thinking irrationally right now, but I’m taking your offer, I’ll see you in three hours,”_ and he hung up the phone.

Jongho sighed but smiled afterward. He was glad that the man took his offer, not because of his Yuri, but because he was sure he needed it.

And there wouldn’t be as much press following him here.

+++

Jongho was parked in a lot near the main entrance. Yuri was in her car seat, asking every second where was Yeosang. He had to answer every time that he should be on his way. His little girl was ready, the biggest heart she could draw sitting on her lap, ready for its new owner. It was summer, the perfect time to come to the island and feel the amazing breeze that could heal mostly everything.

But it couldn’t mend a broken heart.

He saw Yeosang with his hair down, two black luggage and a backpack. He could not see his eyes as he was wearing sunglasses, but guessing from his walking he could tell he was exhausted. 

jongho smiled at the newcomer and stepped out of the car, leaving the windows and trunk open.

But all Yeosang did was drop his luggage and hug the man in front of him, breaking into heart-shattering sobs. The youngest male sighed, patting his back as a way of solace while he saw his daughter looking at them with the saddest eyes he has ever encountered.

Yuri was feeling Yeosang’s sadness.

“Let’s head to the house and have you installed first,” he told Yeosang, grabbing his face into his hands. “Then, you can cry all you want and I will even give you the luxury of destroying your room, how does that sound?” 

“Perfect…” he responded with a broken voice, sniffing and wiping away his tears. He saw Jongho taking off his backpack and putting it on the trunk along with his luggage, leaving him alone with the little girl.

“SangSang,” she called him, her big orbs full of tears.

“Oh, no,” he said, opening the door immediately and sitting beside Yuri. “You are too pretty to cry.” 

“B-but, you are crying…” she answered back, really close to start sobbing as well. “And I made you a big heart…” she showed it to him.

It was a big red heart with birds and flowers. It was poorly made but to Yeosang, it was the most beautiful thing he has seen in the past few days, which have been hell to him.

“And…” he said, trying to not break in front of her again. “And I will take it… I will treasure it… And tomorrow we will go to the nearest store…” he continued, the sobs coming back again. He hated being this weak and sorrowful. “And buy a frame and I will put my old heart in the trashcan and get this one… How… how does that sound?” he barely made it before starting to cry again.

Yuri began to cry too. All she wanted was to hug him.

Jongho noticed the warmth scene and sighed, unbuckling his daughter’s car seat. Yuri jumped to Yeosang's lap and they embraced each other, crying in each other’s arms.

Jongho felt a small tear falling from his eyes. 

+++

After the breakdown, they went to some places for Yeosang to see. Nothing too fancy and very brief. They only spent an average of two hours outside, but he knew the younger of the males appreciated it. When they arrived, Jongho excused himself to put Yuri on her bed as she fell asleep on her way back and asked him to come into the living room while he accommodated the child. 

Yeosang left his luggage in front of the couch, carefully watching his surrounding. It was not a big house, but it was cozy. It was a three-story house, with a single garage and a balcony. He noticed there was no dining room, but rather a bar-style table with the sink on the other side. The living room was tidy, but he noticed the toys on the carpet along with some crayons, pencils, and tons of paper.

He briefly smiled.

His first smile in days.

But he saw a picture that brought his attention. 

It was small, but enough to be remembered.

There was a woman beside Jongho holding what seemed to be a newborn Yuri.

It made him remember that when he met the entire Choi family for the first time, Jongho was nowhere to be seen. He did not know Jihye had a brother until almost a year after. 

Jihye…

That painful name resounded every day and every night in his mind.

He felt the tears coming back to him and he sighed.

How many tears he would continue to spill over her? How many painful memories would it take to completely forget her?

“That’s my ex-wife,” he heard the gentleman say and he immediately turned around, the thoughts longer forgotten.

“I’m sorry,” he said. The least he wanted was to intrude. Jongho was kind enough to offer him his home when he was hurting the most, something no one has done apart from his brothers. He always knew his friends were after the money and he did not mind, he never confined anything when they hangout.

Yuta was different, but he betrayed him as well.

“It’s okay,” he said, walking towards the oldest. “It doesn’t hurt like before. But I want Yuri to remember her. After all, she is her mom.” 

“I never met her,” said Yeosang, his eyes focusing on the picture frame once again. “I guess she was gone when I arrived, right?” 

“Yes,” he admitted, a faint smile appearing on his lips. It always hurt him to talk about her, but he thought that the conversation could help the black-haired man to forget a few of his pains. “She died when Yuri was 6 months old. So, when you came to the family, it was too recent and I had no energy to present myself or to even care. I was trying to cope with my own depression while taking care of a 6 months old girl.” 

“It must have been hard…” he said, his eyes locking with Jongho’s. 

“It was,” he admitted, responding to his sorrowful gaze. “But Yuri was my strength. I needed to continue because of her. She had no one but me. She lost her mom at such a young age and she did not deserve my pain. She healed me and I’m grateful to have her. I did things I never thought I could do on my own.” 

“She’s an angel,” Yeosang said, the tears falling from his eyes. “She truly is…” 

“I am glad she was with one of my family members in the bathroom when it happened," Jongho confessed, their eyes still connected. “I surely did not want her to see why…” he gulped, but he had to continue. “Why Jihye did what she did.”

Yeosang began to sob again.

“Jongho, I don’t… I don’t know how to deal with this pain…” he began to splutter, his own misery coming back as powerful as before. “I had… I had to deal with the press… I had… I had to come back to work after everything… I had… I had to act as if everything was okay… I had… I had to do… so… so many things…” he continued, the tears freely flowing. “But I was destroyed… I was completely… shattered… He… he was my… best friend… my fucking… best friend… but he was… sleeping with her… behind my back… they… they betrayed me... Both of them… Oh god, Jongho… I don’t… I don’t know how to forgive… I don’t know… how to forget…” 

Jongho simply gave him another hug, holding back his own tears.


	2. Come Back Home

Jongho was sitting down on the beach, watching Yeosang and Jihye trying to build a sandcastle. The youngest male has been with them for three days and every day he saw him crying at random times. He could be cooking, he could be talking, he could do anything, but the pain and the thoughts were too overwhelming. He understood his sorrow even though it was different.

Yeosang lost Jihye due to betrayal.

He lost his wife due to unforeseen circumstances. 

But there was always one at fault and it wasn’t them.

It was life.

Life was beautiful and it could hand you love, happiness, and confidence. It could also carry you towards anguish, sadness, and hopelessness. There were two sides of it and Jongho has seen both one after another. He stood months with the bad side of life, but as he saw his life settling and his little girl growing, he went to the good side. Sometimes, he felt like giving up but Yuri was his sunshine.

But Yeosang was a different thing. He would remain on the darkest side for a while and it was okay. It was human to do so. Everyone dealt with pain in a different way.

But it was nice to see him smile.

“DADDY!” he heard his little girl screaming while laughing, making him hid his thoughts. “UNCLE SANGSANG IS…” she tried, but she couldn’t. Yeosang was tickling her. “MAKING ME LAUGH!”

Jongho laughed, watching the interaction between them. The older male let the little kid run away from him, starting a new sandcastle not too far from them. He watched the silhouette walking to him and he smiled at him, his eyes focused on Yuri while the other sat down beside him, the eyes connecting with the waves of the ocean.

“It’s peaceful,” admitted Yeosang, embracing his knees close to his chest. “I wish I could be here forever.” 

“Move,” blatantly said Jongho. “I mean, you can afford it and you certainly need it.” 

“But I have the responsibility on my shoulders,” he began to say, the sadness overwhelming him once again. “Baekho has his own business around music. He directs musicals and trains people. Seulgi is in the beauty industry. I am in charge of the main office, which controls most of their business. My father is too old and my mother is taking care of him and---” 

“You just want to bury yourself in work,” finished the youngest for him. “You have people, workwise, that you trust with. I am sure one of your brothers is covering in your absence. If you were to leave, you could manage everything from here. Nothing is stopping you, just yourself.”

Yeosang didn’t have the words to answer him.

He was absolutely right.

“I am in no place to judge you,” continued Jongho. “And every person has their own way of overtaking sorrow, but how long has it been since you truly took care of yourself?” 

“I… don’t know…” he sincerely responded, his eyes hiding in the white sand. 

“You have been taking care of your family’s business, you have been taking care of Jihye and you have been taking care of your surrounding while forgetting yourself,” he said, his gaze on top of Yeosang’s figure. “You are not a machine, Yeosang. You are merely human. You need to rest. You need to forget and most importantly, you need to heal.” 

Yeosang felt the tears falling again, not knowing how to react to the older’s words.

“It’s hard and I understand your pain,” said Jongho. “My sorrow was different from yours, but I lost someone who was precious to me as well. I died that day, Yeosang, just like you died when she left you on the altar with thousands of guests, but I was reborn from the ashes. I had Yuri, she was my light in my darkest moment and I’m sure you’ll find something or someone that will lend you the strength you need.” 

Yeosang started sobbing, feeling Jongho’s hand on top of his. The oldest was once again, crying away his sorrow. 

Jongho bitterly smiled, his eyes focused on his daughter.

+++

Jongho decided that Yuri could spend the night with one of his coworkers. She was a nice woman with a wonderful husband. They had two kids together and both of them attended the same school as Yuri. One was two years older, but the youngest one was her same age and they were friends. He asked if they could take care of her while he went out with his friend. He briefly explained what happened to him and they were more than happy to comply.

They were wonderful persons and he hoped for more people like them.

Jongho and Yeosang were in Jeju City. It wasn’t as vibrant as Seoul, but it had its perks. It was somehow quiet and it wasn’t as crowded. They were just walking and talking as if they were the best of friends. The younger was happy that he was bringing a bit of solace to the other’s heart. He knew how it felt to be alone.

He didn’t want Yeosang to pass through the same thing he went through.

“So, technically, Dracula is based on a real man? I mean, I knew he existed but, I didn’t know he was an impaler,” said the youngest while drinking on his beer. It was his 10th one and he was beginning to see kind of blurry, but it was nice to be around an adult once in a while.

He lost count as to how many Yeosang had.

“He was like, hardcore,” he said in a slurry way. “He liked to… ummm… drink their blood and stuff,” he related. “He even washed his hands with it! Like, ew.” 

“Is that historically proven or are you just too drunk?” he asked, feeling a bit disgusted as well. 

“Both,” he answered, laughing historically after his sentence. “Okay… I am… a tiiiiny drunk.” 

“How about a lot?” he asked with a smile on his face. “Let’s sit down for a bit,” he advised, softly grabbing the other’s waist and in a hidden corner of his mind, measuring it. It was indeed small for a man, but it was perfectly fine. 

Yeosang was one of a kind.

Jongho helped his drunk friend to sit down on a bench that was near the plaza, the music bouncing on their ears. Jeju Island was incredibly touristic and the parties were endless. People were dancing and having fun, the lights covering the spots around them.

“The lights are sooo pretty,” said Yeosang, giving a sip to his soju bottle. “So pretty like your daughter!” 

“My daughter is prettier,” answered Jongho with a smile on his face. 

“You…” said the oldest, pointing at the other's chest. “Are abso-lu-tely right.” 

Jongho laughed.

Yeosang was beyond drunk.

But suddenly, the DJ decided to slow the music. A heartbreaking ballad appeared, making the couples slowly dance and the others enjoy the slow pace. The two friends were looking at the stage, the lights suddenly becoming a mix of white and blue. 

The sound of the guitar began to cloud the atmosphere.

“Come back home…” Jongho murmured. He knew that song too well. He rarely listened to Korean music and he preferred foreign music but there was a saying that sometimes the pain was closest to home. And he knew the truth behind those words when he listened to the song for the first time.

_One two three  
You left me   
But I hear your breath from somewhere   
Once again, four five six   
Red tears fall down  
I miss your scent that embraced me_

Yeosang felt the tears once again overwhelming him. He hated to be so fragile and broken. He hated to cry every day. He hated his life, he hated every single ounce of himself. But the thing he hated the most is that as of this day, he still loved her.

He still loved Jihye.

“I want to die,” he muttered, the tears caressing his face. “I don’t know how… how to live without her…” 

_You said this was all for me  
Like a lie, you coldly turned around   
Why? Why? You’re gone away   
Come back home   
Can you come back home?   
Don’t leave me at the end of the cold world   
But come back to my side_

“You are too precious for this world,” answered Jongho, his eyes turning away from the stage. “You do not deserve to die.”

“But the pain is consuming me; corrupting every inch of my broken soul,” he said, drinking his own tears. “I’m barely hanging to life…” 

“And you’ll be unable to love for a while,” tried to reason Jongho. Yeosang sounded so resigned that it scared him.

He was afraid of the oldest doing something stupid.

“I can’t love anyone but her…” he admitted, his voice becoming broken as the song hit hard on his ears. “I can’t… love anyone… but her…” 

_I hate you for not answering  
I wonder if you’ll miss me sometimes  
I’m trapped in a time without you I can’t see ahead,   
I’m so scared   
The many days that are unfinished   
It seems like they’ll be waiting for us   
Where are you?   
Where? Too far away_

“Don’t forget yourself,” Jongho grabbed his hand, making the other look at him.

He hated it.

He hated seeing him so lifeless. 

“I died…” he admitted, the younger’s words resounding on his head. “Just… just like you said… I died when she left me… I don’t know… who I am anymore… I can’t sleep… I can’t eat… All I want to know is if she is okay… is she okay without me… does he loved her as I loved her… is he thinking about my suffering… how could he love her more than me… how could she turn her eyes away from me… when I gave her my everything… how…” 

“Love has no boundaries,” answered the younger, not letting him go. “She was at fault. She is the only one who should be pointed at, but love is found in the most unusual places. If she no longer loved you, she should have left you. It would have hurt you less. I know I have nothing… Nothing to say on this and I have no right to say in your past relationship, but that’s where she failed. She should have not continued with this deceit.” 

“If she loved him that much… why…” he asked, but it was a question he knew there was no answer to it. “Why she told me she loved… why she slept with me… why she told me I was the one… why she continued… why bother…” 

_The only thing left here is your shadow  
My longing for you tortures me more than my loneliness   
Seems like I can catch the sound of your laughter   
But the moments weakly scatter like a sandcastle   
Can you come back home?   
I’m pushing back all the pain   
I’m still waiting for you like this   
Now you gotta do what you gotta do_

“WHY?!” he screamed, startling some people. But he didn’t care, his sorrow was behind his every bone. He felt it every day when he woke up, he felt it when he walked, he felt it when he showered, he felt it when he ate. He felt it in every one of his daily activities and everything reminded him of her.

And he didn’t know what to do.

“I want this… to go away... “ Yeosang cried, throwing himself into Jongho’s arms again.

Where he found a tiny bit of happiness and solace for his soul.

“Jongho… I want this pain to go away…” 

Jongho sighed, the tears falling from his eyes again.

He didn’t know why it hurt more than before.


	3. Two

It has been a hectic two weeks where the two adults have grown and flourished a beautiful friendship between them.

Jongho was dropping Yuri at school with Yeosang. He kissed her goodbye while she happily jogged to inside the facility. She liked school and she enjoyed being there. Jongho knew that wouldn’t last long, but he wanted her to be herself for as long as she could be.

After all, she has grown so much, and sometimes he is in disbelief at how far he has managed her without the figure of a mother.

“I wished I was her,” confessed Yeosang as he stepped inside Jongho’s Audi. “Life was so different then.” 

“I know,” responded Jongho, closing the door on the driver’s side. “Although I was in so much extracurricular stuff…” 

“Me too,” he said while he adjusted his sunglasses. “I don’t know how I survived.”

“But here we are,” replied Jongo, driving away from the school zone. “Still surviving.” 

Yeosang half-smiled. The elder was right. He was still here, but that didn’t mean it hurt less. Every day he was reminded of the fact he was betrayed in the worst way possible.

He sighed.

“What do you want to do?” he asked the oldest, his eyes focused on the road.

“I want to go back to the beach,” answered Yeosang, feeling the breeze caressing and messing with his hair. “But I want to go to a part locals prefer.” 

“I’m not a local, but I have been living here enough to know what exactly you need,” was his reply before hitting the gas pedal, moving to their next destination.

After a 20 minute drive, they arrived at their destination. Jongho parked the car in the sand, in a reclusive space. He waited for Yeosang to step outside and locked the car. The oldest ran to the shore and was mesmerized by the sight. The youngest smiled and followed him after, his steady steps being recorded in the sand.

The waves were crashing against the dark rocks. It seemed that it was a part of the beach that not a lot of people knew or were afraid of. Yeosang sat down on one of the rocks, feeling the water hitting hard against him. The strong breeze messed with his black hair, but it was like a lonely song that accompanied the birds in the sky.

Jongho slowly crawled up, sustaining himself between a small rock and the rock Yeosang was sitting down.

“Do you like it?” he asked, raising his voice a bit due to the strong waves.

“It’s beautiful,” responded the oldest, smiling at the view. “Is it restricted though?”

“No,” replied Jongho, his pants completely wet. “It’s just not recommended for swimming.” 

“What if I want to swim and go against the rules?” he directed his eyes towards Jongho. The latter just gave him a disappointed look but it was too late to say anything.

Yeosang sprinted towards the shore again.

“Fuck!” Jongho screamed and went after him. Yeosang was laughing while he laughed, knowing the other was close to him and almost on his tail. He increased his speed but being the clumsy person he was, he tripped on his feet and almost embraced the sand.

But Jongho stopped it.

The gentleman grabbed his waist and prevented him from falling for a second, but it was to no avail. The youngest also tripped and both of them fell, but Yeosang fell on top of him, the waves hitting against them. 

They locked into each other’s eyes, knowing they were in a compromised position, but neither of them wanted to move. 

“Why?” briefly asked Yeosang, trying to memorize Jongho’s features. He never had the time to think how handsome the other was. He had a small curve on top of his lips, seducing eyes, and a sturdy, but gentle face. He had everything he would ask in someone if his heart wasn’t yearning for another.

Or was he?

“You have suffered enough,” was his simple reply and Yeosang felt his soul coming back to life little by little. 

Why did his words affect him that much? Why did words have the power to heal something he thought was lost?

“You didn’t have to,” was his answer, but Jongho smiled.

“I wanted to,” responded the youngest, his hands still on the older’s waist. “I do not want you to feel alone. You have me and even though it might not be enough, I hope it brings you a little peace.” 

“It does,” replied Yeosang, his eyes lowering to his lips.

He suddenly wanted to know how it felt to be kissed by Jongho.

He only wanted those lips.

Jongho gulped. He knew what the other was thinking and he felt afraid. He never cared where on when he fell in love, but that move would be too dangerous. JYeosang felt alone and he wanted to felt loved. He wanted to feel someone who could bring him the comfort and the protection Jihye couldn’t, but it wasn’t right.

Yeosang was in love with his sister, he was just confused.

And he wasn’t in love with Yeosang. He was a mere friend who wanted him to move on from his sister’s pain.

That was all.

He wasn’t thinking about how it must feel to kiss those glossy and plumpy lips. He wasn’t thinking about how it must feel to caress his soft skin and he definitely wasn’t thinking about the envy he felt inside.

How could Jihye let this man go?

“Hate me later,” was all Yeosang said before locking his lips with Jongho’s. The latter felt lost, but his instincts kicked out and he damned himself for responding to the passionate kiss.

He hated himself.

But he didn’t hate the fact that it happened.

+++

Jongho was sitting on his couch, his little girl drawing on the floor. Yeosang was nowhere to be seen and he preferred to give him his space. He knew he wasn’t going to leave, all his luggage was still in his room but it should not bother him. Yeosang was at free will. He could leave at any time. He was a free man.

It shouldn’t bother him.

Jongho sighed, boringly looking at the cartoons. He wanted to have some fun outside, but it was chilly. He also had to do some homework with Yuri and do some assignments he had. He was currently working from home since he thought the wedding would last longer and he actually tried to come back to work, but his boss was happy to kick him out. But he was thankful.

He rarely took days off, only when his child was sick or in need of a day with her dad. He was a single father and unfortunately, he had to work. There was no leisure for him, but he never regretted it. He loved his child and he wouldn’t change his life for anything.

The only thing he would change was him meeting Yeosang instead of Jihye.

He gasped at his own thought, trying to get the other out of his mind.

“Are you okay daddy?” he heard his angel say but he simply smiled at her. He knew he scared her.

“Yes, I was just thinking,” Jongho explained. “What are you drawing?” he asked as a way of burying his thoughts.

He wasn’t in love with Yeosang.

He didn’t like Yeosang.

He was not yearning for Yeosang.

“I’m drawing yourself, uncle SangSang, and me!” she squealed, showing the poorly drawing to her father. She was proud of her work and Jongho smiled, taking it into his hands.

“Why are you drawing uncle SangSang?” asked the man, but he was an idiot. He shouldn’t have done it.

“I really hoped for uncle SangSang to be with us forever,” she admitted, the brightest smile the Earth has seen plastered in her face.

Jongho kept smiling, but he knew that the tears were forming quickly in his eyes.

“I want a biiiiiiig family,” she said while moving her hands. “I want two cats, two dogs, uncle SangSang and you!” 

“I can have the cats and dogs, but uncle SangSang is a bit difficult,” he knew that no words he said would convince his daughter, but he needed to try. 

“Why?” she inquired, a bit mad at his explanation. “I want a family! I want him to stay!” 

“Sweetie,” Jongho called her, trying to appease her attitude. “It is not that easy. Yeosang has his own life. He cannot stay forever.” 

“B-but…” Yuri tried to say, but the tears fell from her face. “I want… I want another daddy… I can’t have a mommy… then… I want another daddy… so I can look normal… At school… And they stop telling me… why I only have one daddy… and not a mommy… and daddy… or two daddies…”

Jongho fought his tears, taking his small angel into his arms. “I will talk to them and convince them that having one daddy is enough, but as much as we want to, Yeosang cannot stay forever…” he said, feeling her little girl’s embrace.

And when she couldn’t see him anymore, the tears fell from his face.

He stood up, ready to take a walk with his little one when he encountered Yeosang at the door, the tears freely flowing from his face as well.

Yeosang listened to everything.


	4. Truth

Yeosang has spent the next following days trying to find himself. He had to admit that the weeks he has spent in Jeju have greatly opened his eyes. He suffered, he was in pain, but he lived. He found a new path he wanted to continue and he found the confidence he thought was lost. 

He still hurt, but like any pain, it was slowly melting away.

His main concern was love.

He was sure he still loved Jihye. It was four years, not a day. But the fact that he was feeling things he didn’t want to admit towards Jongho was disturbing him. Maybe it was the protection he gave him, perhaps it was the way he made him feel better. He didn’t know what it was, but he was struggling. He did not want to acknowledge his changing heart.

He still loved Jihye.

He still loved her.

His brother was just that, her brother. Nothing more and nothing else.

But it did break his already shattered heart hearing Yuri. He began to wish he never came. He hoped that he would have rejected the invitation. Maybe, it wouldn’t be this difficult. Perhaps, he wouldn’t have a clouded mind.

But he already started thinking of Jeju as his home.

Yeosang sighed, sitting down on a random bench in Jeju City. He had his phone in his hand, not knowing what to do. He needed someone for guidance, but he no longer had his best friend. He lost faith in people in general and he did not want to contact their brothers. They would come straight here to pick him up if he told them what was happening.

He felt lost. Completely lost. 

However, he felt someone sitting beside him. Yeosang tried to not tremble, but he knew that essence and that perfume. They have been living together for almost a month and he yearned him with his entire soul. But he knew it couldn’t happen. He was about to marry his sister, how could he be thinking like that towards him?

“Want to play billiard?” Jongho asked, his eyes directed at the sports bar in front of them. “We can have some beers and try to have fun, what do you say?” 

“Sounds good,” he answered, standing up. “I guess Yuri is with her nanny?” 

“Yeah,” he replied, his feet touching the ground. “She’s already sleeping anyway. She won’t wake up until tomorrow. Bless my child for being a sleep log.” 

Yeosang laughed, both of them walking towards the bar.

“Have you enjoyed your visit?” asked the oldest, both of his hands inside his pocket. 

“It has helped me greatly,” admitted the oldest, a half-smile decorating his face. “And I haven’t cried in two days.” 

“Progress!” shouted Jongho, making his partner laugh. “You regained color as well. It must be really stressful for you in the city.” 

“It is,” replied Yeosang followed by a small sigh. “Being surrounded by reporters and people looking down on you is hard. It breaks your self-esteem and in this ruthless world, that’s something you need. I deal with all kinds of people, from your average worker to multi-millionaires and they have so much in common you have no idea.” 

“Envy,” continued the elder, opening the door for the other. “Envy is the worst feeling a human can feel.” 

“More than hate?” asked Yeosang, strictly moving towards the pool table.

“Worse than hate,” answered back Jogho, putting money and waiting for the balls to appear as he placed the triangle in its place. “Hate is forgotten with time, envy is not.” 

“But I hate your sister and my ex-best friend,” he admitted out loud, taking the pool stick in his hands. “They made me suffer and they made me like this.” 

“But you’ll eventually forget about them,” replied the youngest, putting the balls inside the triangle. “See, the thing between those two feelings is that envy will always remain with you. You’ll always envy that you did not this or that. You’ll always envy that person because it was better than you in a certain aspect or because their luck was better. Moreover, hate will eventually be forgotten. It is born out of anger and when it appeases, it leaves with it. You can resent them, but you’ll let it go.” 

“Then, I envy Yuu,” Yeosang said with a bitter face. “He stole the most precious person from me.” 

“No one is stolen, Yeosang,” answered Jongho, ready to hit the balls anytime. “The person who wavers is because never loved.” 

“You are saying she never loved me?” he asked, his eyes focused on the younger’s face.

“If she loved you, she wouldn’t have cheated,” replied the youngest, letting the pool stick hit the balls. He watched carefully the action on the table, half-smiling when a solid-color ball entered the hole. “If she truly loved you, she would have left you the day she felt something for another man.” 

Yeosang remained quiet, surprised that he felt extremely calm instead of screaming back at him.

But it was because deep inside he knew he was right.

“Love is a fragile thing,” he continued, hitting another pool ball, watching it coming to its place one more time. “Love can be good one day and die the very next one and that’s okay. It’s part of being human. What’s unacceptable is playing with a person’s heart.” 

“What about breaking a person’s heart?” he asked back, waiting for his turn to come.

“Everyone will eventually have a broken heart,” was his reply, failing at his third turn. “I got my heartbroken when I was sixteen and I got my heart broken again when Lynn died.” 

“Is that the name of your ex-wife?” said Yeosang, hitting one of the stripped-balls but none went in. 

“Yeah,” he positioned himself on the table, trying to hit a solid-ball. When he did, he was confident it would go in and it did. He arched an eyebrow, surprised that his skills haven’t gone to waste yet. “She was half-Chinese and half-Korean, but she grew up in South Korea. You would guess that my parents wanted a full ethnic Korean girlfriend for me and they even had a person they wanted me to marry, but I always was the rebel even though I’m the youngest of the three of us.” 

“I suppose she is one of the reasons you moved out of Seoul,” he paused, hoping the other wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with his questions, but he was curious.

He suddenly wanted to know more about Jongho.

“She was the biggest one,” replied Jongho, hitting another ball. “We were thinking about it before she died in that horrible accident. But we were actually moving to Beijing, not Jeju.” 

“That would have been a big change,” answered Yeosang, following his turn.

“My family is very controlling, but I demonstrated them I could do it alone,” he began his tale, two solid-balls entering the pockets. “I did not need their powerfulness or their connections. I married her behind their backs and I resigned to everything. However, my father was not buying it and did not allow me to sell my shares. I still have them and I receive money from them, but I am saving it for Yuri’s future.” 

“You are a wonderful person, Jongho,” said Yeosang with a half-smile, shocking the other with his continuing sentence. “I wished I would have fallen in love with you instead of your sister. It would have been easier for me and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t be hurting like this…” 

_It’s not too late,_ a part of his soul screamed, but he ignored it. He walked towards the oldest and smiled at him. Their bodies were not close, but they weren’t far either. It was the perfect distance between them.

“Everything happens for a reason,” was Jongho’s answer. “We cannot fight destiny.” 

_And maybe, just maybe, I imagine you were mine._

+++

“Why am I always losing?” sadly stated Yeosang, earning a laugh from Jongho. It was his monthiversary in Jeju and Yuri was already sleeping. It was 2 in the morning and they were tipsy, but not drunk. They have played several table games, including baduk, and Jongho has won every single one of them.

He was the unluckiest person he has ever met.

“Not today,” replied Jongho, putting the pieces away. 

“That’s exactly what I am saying,” were Yeosang’s words before taking a sip of his beer. “But, hey, aren’t you supposed to go back to work? You have been free since, forever!” 

“They need someone to be at home and control everything for the main tower,” informed Jongho, but it was a white lie. He was indeed supposed to report himself to the office a week ago, the same day they played pool at the bar, but he begged his boss to let him work from home. He played the Yuri card and for that only reason, he loved to be a single father. They gave him the okay and he is only required to be in meetings and once a week with a report of what he was doing.

He was working extra hard and he actually thought he was not going to enjoy it, but he was. He had the leisure of picking up Yuri, spending more time with her, and not feeling extra tired.

But he knew the main reason he requested to be at home was because of Yeosang.

He sighed, trying to hide his feelings deep inside him once again. 

“You are one lucky mofo,” said Yeosang smiling at him, tipsily standing up with his beer in hand. “You have everything. You are handsome, loveable, and hardworking. Anyone could fall in love with you.” 

“Be careful,” answered Jongho, but it was more of a warning to himself.

He was too close to falling and he needed to understand that it couldn’t happen. It wouldn’t happen. Yeosang bedded his sister, Yeosang almost married his sister, and Yeosang still loved his sister. There was no doubt.

He needed to stop wishing for impossibles and he needed to stop thinking about those what-ifs. They didn’t exist. They couldn’t exist. There was no going back.

“It has been a month…” began Yeosang, sitting down closely beside Jongho. “A month since I was…” he hiccuped but continued. “Supposed to be married, but it doesn’t hurt… It doesn’t hurt like before…” 

“I told you that eventually, it wouldn’t hurt as much,” Jongho said, dedicating him a smile.

“But you know what?” he said, pointing at the younger. “It is aaaaall thanks to you. You sew my broken heart. If it weren’t for your invitation and your wise words, I would have died. Jongho… I swear I would.” 

Jongho simply smiled, taking his words close to his heart.

This was the entire point of the trip. He wanted Yeosang to heal and be a stronger person. And even though that also meant he was leaving soon, he felt like his work was done. That’s all he wanted to happen…

But why he was feeling empty? Why did he want him to stay home? 

Jongho felt his smile becoming bitter, but he would never admit how much he would miss the youngest.

Because he knew that it wouldn’t be. Maybe in another life, but not on this one.


	5. Longer

Yeosang was picking Yuri at school. Jongho had an emergency meeting and he was a mess trying to figure out how to get his angel. Yeosang calmed him down, reminding him that he was here and he could pick her up without any problems. He saw Jongho’s soul coming back to his body while he communicated and exchanged Yeosang’s information with the school.

“Uncle SangSang!” he heard her calling him and he extended his arms, welcoming the little girl in his arms.

“How was school sweetie?” he asked while opening the door for her. She saw her accommodating herself in the car seat, waiting for her uncle to buckle her up. 

“Great!” she answered, perfectly secured in Jongho’s Audi. “I won a lollipop!” 

“Amazing!” he replied, closing the trunk with a button from the driver’s seat. “Were the other kids jealous of you?” 

“Yup!” she said, happy that the car began to head home. “I wanna eat it!” 

“We are really close to home, so once you take a bath, change, and eat proper food, you can eat it. How does that sound?” he said, hearing her squealing from the back.

He smiled.

He hoped things like this would last forever.

And with thoughts like those, the time passed like there was no tomorrow.

It was already 10 pm and he had to admit that he was worried. He spent hours playing with the little angel, but she was difficult to sleep, which was weird. Usually, she fell asleep rather quickly but she was a bit upset. Gratefully, she no longer fought with sleep and went to Morpheus's arms. 

And Yeosang wished he could do the same, but he hasn’t heard of Jongho. He even promised to call, but his cell phone never rang.

He felt like a disappointed wife waiting for his husband for dinner.

He laughed at his thoughts, shaking his head immediately. He suddenly felt the tiredness taking the best of him and his eyes closing on his own, but he was taken away of his pleasure when he suddenly heard the door being opened.

“Jongho?” he asked at the extremely drunk man.

What kind of meeting was that one? 

Yeosang stood up, holding the newcomer with his body.

“Ugh, you reek like alcohol,” he said out loud, walking with the man to the main room.

“And you… smell wonderful…” replied a very wasted Jongho while everything spun around him. “Did you double up? Am I in heaven?” 

“No to both questions,” answered an entertained Yeosang, dropping the man’s body to the queen-sized bed. “Why are you so drunk?” he asked, but he did not expect an answer.

To his shocking self, he got a response.

But he wished he didn’t.

“Coworker invited me… and I wanted… to forget about you… So… I went!” he admitted like it was the most normal thing in the world. Yeosang stood shocked, no words could escape his mouth to contradict his sentence.

“You…” said Jongho, pointing at him. “Completely… COMPLETELY… destroyed my life…” and he smiled, his body coming back and forth. “You… came in… and I was… WAAAAS… supposed tooooo console you BUT!” he paused for a bit, forgetting what he was going to say. “I fell…. I fell hard and I can’t… I can’t turn back….” 

Yeosang felt the tears falling at this confession.

“How…” he asked, the sudden happiness turning into sorrow. “How… can I make you… forget about her…” said Jongho, trying to reach the other’s face, but with his state of mind it was not an easy accomplishment. “I am supposed… to love her, AFTER ALL SHE DID! I am… supposed to… love her! She is,” he hiccuped. “My sister! But… I hate her… She made you suffer… she does not deserve you… SHE NEVER LOVED YOU! But you…” he paused again, the tears threatening him to fall. “You love her… You still love her.” 

“But… I am selfish and at-at the same time… I am grateful! Because if… it wasn’t for your broken heart... I would have never NEVER met you the way… I met you here! Don’t leave… Don’t leave me…”

  
And Yeosang began to sob.

+++

“How are you feeling?” asked the oldest, the confession still vivid on his mind. He was entirely sure that the youngest wouldn’t remember what happened yesterday, but he wanted to avoid it for a couple of more hours. Jongho wasn’t completely coherent and well, he has been thinking about it the entire night, spending a sleepless night beside the drunken man.

“Horrible,” Jongho answered with a raspy voice, taking the succulent glass of water the other brought him. “I’m never doing this again.”

“That’s what we all say and we never comply,” answered Yeosang with a smile surrounding his face. “We always do it over and over again.” 

Jongho forced a smile, but his headache was too powerful for him to do anything.

“Yuri is in the living room,” he told the elder. “I told her you were not feeling good and she immediately went to draw you something. I hope she doesn’t shout as soon as she opens the door.” 

“When you have kids, you are used to anything,” admitted Jongho followed by a small chuckle. “You could have the biggest migraine of the history, you could have the biggest depression of your life and you will still try your best to get out of the bed and give them what they need.” 

“But that’s why I am here,” said the oldest, his smile increasing. “I will control her until you feel better.”

“But you won’t be here forever,” advised the youngest, the atmosphere suddenly turning cold. “This is not your home. No matter how much we love it, it’s not. Someday and somehow, you’ll come back home…” 

“Maybe this is my home,” was all Yeosang said before standing up, leaving a very dumbfounded Jongho behind.

What did he mean by home? Yeosang was only temporary. He had his job and his life back in Seoul. He was affected by what has happened and he was slowly healing. He even might stay more than he was supposed to, but that didn’t mean anything. It was only seasonal. Nothing more, nothing less.

He just hoped that things didn’t become more complicated than they were already. He was the type of person that liked to talk more than usual when drunk. But he knew that if he asked, Yeosang would probably come up with a lie and that would make things more awkward.  
Jongho needed to wait. There was nothing else to do.

But when his thoughts wanted to create a deeper circle, his torment came back with a hangover soup that smelt like heaven on Earth.

“Did you cook it?” he said, welcoming the food. He really needed it.

“Yup,” answered the oldest, taking the nearest chair he could grab and placing it near the bed. “I asked Yuri how her drawing was going and she told me that she was almost done. I hope you can eat a bit before she comes requesting daddy’s attention.” 

“I better start, then,” advised Jongho to himself, but clear enough for Yeosang to hear it as well. He began to slowly drink and savor the soup, moaning at the deliciousness. He saw the oldest smiling at his behavior, but did not say anything.

“You confessed your feelings to me,” spitted out the oldest, and Jongho almost choked, but he maintained his temple. 

If Yeosang was telling the truth, something big was coming and he needed to listen carefully.

This would either break him or make him.

“It might not be the best time for us to discuss it entirely, but I wanted to let you know,” continued the oldest. “If I were you, I would have wanted you to tell me what I said or if something happened. Maybe we can have a talk at night and resolve this once and for all.” 

Jongho simply nodded, enjoying the soup.

No other words exchanged about the sensitive topic.

“When you finish, place it on the night table and rest as much as you can,” said Yeosang, his smile still fresh on his face. “I will try my very best to control your daughter or to at least let her watch you sleep.” 

The youngest nodded again, watching the other’s silhouette leaving the room.

Jongho felt his appetite leaving little by little, becoming full all of the sudden. He felt the tears suffocating him until he felt the first one falling from his eyes, briefly caressing the bowl.

He sighed.

He knew the answer in his heart, but he would never admit to himself how much he loved Yeosang. Allowing himself to do that would be his greatest regret because once it happened, there was no way back. He preferred the denial to the pain.

“This is bad,” he told to himself, standing up to put the soup where Yeosang wanted to. “This is so bad…” 

Jongho kept telling himself, unaware of Yeosang’s body being behind his door.

The oldest deeply sighed, the tears already covering his face. He knew exactly what Jongho was feeling because he was in that same state. He could not believe he forgot his pain in almost two months, only to fall in love with his ex-girlfriend’s brother. This was something he admitted yesterday, but he hasn’t said it to himself in words or to the other. It was only his feelings in thoughts.

Yeosang knew that once he said the words, his world would crumble again. He wanted Jongho to feel the way, but he could never know.

The saddest thing about the story was that he knew more about the elder than he knew about Jihye. He knew what he liked, his favorite food, his favorite color, his dislikes, what Yuri liked, what Yuri hated, what were their hobbies, what was his favorite restaurant, what he was looking for in a possible pairing due to him having a child, etc. He barely knew those things about Jihye, yet he thought he sincerely loved her.

But he didn’t.

He didn’t love her as much as he loved Jongho.

Yeosang was sure that love was involved because he suffered. The betrayal hurt him deeply, but it hurt him more the fact that she wasn’t a woman enough to tell him what she really felt and made him look like a clown in front of thousands of people. She hurt his ego. 

And she stifled the time they spent together. A time he would never get back and that he could have spent doing some other things. A time he would have rather spend with someone who truly appreciated his efforts. A time he knew he wasted and there was no point in remembering.

He might not have loved her like he thought he did, but at least he never cheated on her. That’s something that was on her, not on him. He wasn’t at fault, he never was. He didn’t lack and he truly gave her his everything.

But maybe what he needed was in the shape of Jongho. Perhaps what he always looked for had the name of her brother. 

He lost his time, but he wouldn’t lose Jongho.

Not now, not ever.


End file.
